Just the Worst

Before Harry Potter, "The Worst Witch" offered magic users a school to learn spells. I knew it as a special that would air every October on cable pretty often—HBO, Disney Channel, maybe TBS… it was on practically all month, and it was fun as crap while it was at it.

The special features the titular worst witch, Mildred Hubble, being an underdog at Witch School. Halloween comes, and the Grand Wizard is coming to visit for the holiday celebrations, and all hell breaks loose.

He performs probably one of the worst songs ever, sounding like he was making it up on the spot, all while in a montage straight out of a NyQuil-induced nightmare.

In the end, Mildred comes out on top and is rewarded with questionable time with the Grand Wizard as a prize. Mildred… maybe consider a career in HVAC repair instead?

Freddy has to Potty

Judging by the pee pee dance Freddy is doing, he even scares himself! These low rent mail order commercials were all over local channels when I was a kid. The Nightmare on Elm Street Dream Package does look like a great deal just in time for Halloween in 1989. Know what else is scary? The price!

Originally Posted 10/10/2024

You Wana try it?

Wana Wana is a game by TOMY that... why does this exist?

Seriously... it's a toy bear trap that you stick your head in. Essentially, you and your friends play chicken with this thing, taking turns sticking your heads in it until it snaps on the loser.

You know what? Forget what I said... that looks amazing!!

Form Blazing Candle

The wording of this commercial gives me pause. "Pre-Halloween?" I'm assuming that's meant to say they're showing it a few days before? I dunno.

Jack O'Lantern is a pretty fun cartoon that's a bit wild. Jack is a pumpkin-headed guy who arrives on the scene and immediately gets into one hell of a fight with a witch and her crew.

Jack is actually a leprechaun piloting the pumpkin guy... it's weird.

What is cool is the fact that it's a Rankin/Bass production, meaning it was outsourced to Japanese animation studios. Either Topcraft or Mushi Productions animated this little special, and it looks really good.

While I doubt the studio had anything to do with the script, part of me can't help but find what's essentially a Pumpkin Super Robot cartoon hilarious.

Splatter in your House

I'll never forget that one morning as I was getting ready for school. I was in the 6th grade... and miserable. Middle school and high school were not happy times for me, and I dragged my feet each morning, watching cartoons before leaving for the day.

I was watching The New Adventures of He-Man when this AWESOME little spot for the TurboGrafx-16 version of Splatterhouse came on, farming all the aura possible. Splatterhouse was a game that felt like an urban legend. Either you'd seen it or you hadn't, and nobody believed you if you said you had.

ME? I'd played it at the Circle K by my grandmother's house and was blown away... and still am to this day. It's wild they allowed a game like this to happen at the time, and this particular version got some pretty crazy edits to play it safe. Still, I mentally default to this versions red horror mask whenever I think of the game.

It's the perfect way to spend an evening during the spooky season.

The Long Ass Halloween

Somebody, somewhere decided having kids trick or treat with a character would be a fun thing to do. In theory they were right. In practice they get your drunk Uncle dressed as Batman. In this special community event where a handful of kids get to meet the caped crusader and receive "a pot of gold". You know, it's hard to poop all over something like this... but something about... somebody help those kids. Not Batman.

Originally Posted 8/25/2022

Davey's Night

Trick or Treat isn't just fun words to say, they're words to live by. Davey, Sallie, and Goliath must have got one too many of those nasty peanut butter chews- because it's hell on earth this hallows eve! Some kids and a talking dog just want to watch the world BURN! Come to think about it, know who else was advised by a talking dog? DAVID BERKOWITZ! Wait... David... Davey... well shit. It all makes sense now.

Originally Posted 10/06/2022

Another Mansion, Another Mystery

Halloween is around the corner and we're having company over. We're having fondue and someone brought out Mystery Mansion to play. Who did it? Who knows—maybe look in the parlor.

Neatly enough, this is one of those games with the electronic voice box that gives out clues when you enter the number from a randomly drawn card.

Uh oh… someone lost the electronic talking box and put the one from their sister’s copy of Dream Phone in instead. Whatever, let’s make the most of it.

Turns out Corey has a crush on me!

Light Your Way At Burger King

I've said it a few times and for land's sake I mean it. You need a good light when out trick or treating. It's just the right thing to do. There's this weird paradox in which driving a car on Halloween night makes the driver unable to see people not normally in the street dressed as Power Rangers. All caution is to the wind and the only thing keeping you safe is a good light.

Fortunately Burger King is here with free flashlights and treat bags to use when you go trick or treating. Assuming the manager didn't take them all home. In all honesty, that's a pretty great freebie for a fast food place. Those are the type of flashlights normally sold at stores. Not too shabby Burger King! You might recognize it as the old flashlight your grandmother keeps by her bed.

So take your flashlight and be safe out there. Later, your parents will happily take your new flashlight and keep it by their bed. Another word of advice, wait until it's night time to use your flashlight. That damn kid's going to run out the battery before sunset.

Originally Posted 9/01/2020

Man, what did Usher's House ever do?

I don't always have a joke for these. Okay, usually I have something to say... but this is just a really great animation based on Edgar Allan Poe's "The Fall of the House of Usher", and it's cool as hell.

Happy Halloween.

Kiss Or Treat

It's not too uncommon to see a a member of KISS at Halloween. A perfect costume in many ways. If somebody doesn't recognize you or your make up runs... now you're a ghost! Boo! If you're too old for trick or treating, it's the perfect costume for a party. With the horribly named 'Kiss your Face' makeup kit by Remco, you can trick or treat all night and eat candy every day.

I'm not apologizing for that closing line.

 

Originally Posted 8/18/2020 

Meet and Treat Yourself

This old PSA from the 70's advises it's best to trick or treat in groups. That's not the worst idea, though I can't help but to notice all the Tootsie branded candy. That's because Tootsie sponsored this spot. I guess they felt the need since so many of their products are handed out on Halloween night. Come to think of it, I never saw Tootsie Rolls outside of Halloween and Christmas as a kid. These days it's in every waiting room I see, full of Tootsie Rolls candy. They should really make a waiting room safety tape.

Originally Posted 8/30/2024

Trick Or Treat, Your Breath Stinks

Whenever I'd get gum in my treat bag, it was usually some Double Bubble or Bazooka. Hubba Bubba or Bubble Yum if I was lucky. Wrigley's thought to throw their hat in the Halloween ...hat pile... and pitched some good old fashioned Wrigley's Chewing gum as a more 'wholesome' treat to give out. I can't fault them for it. It's a standby of the candy stand, everyone loves it. Even inside the pack, each stick is individually wrapped and the stuff is cheap. At least 5 sticks for a quarter. Starting to think about handing out Juicy Fruit myself!

Originally Posted 9/14/2021 

The Mouse of Survival Horror

Okay... okay... this is amazing.

Disney's Japanese parks are known for being some of the best theme parks in the world, specifically DisneySea. Their version of the Tower of Terror has always looked to be a high-caliber effort, but then there's this promo video made for the ride that's just chef's kiss.

Admittedly, I'm a fan of older '90s video game 3D animation, but the PS1 cutscene look of this production is just... man.

I'm at a loss for words, and this is another one of those times I'm just showing you something awesome.

Happy Halloween.

You might be a king or a little street sweeper, but sooner or later you bowl with the reaper

Wow, we've come a long way, haven't we? These days, AIDS is thankfully a treatable disease... however, it wasn't always that way.

While I'm absolutely not making light of it, this PSA is absolutely ridiculous and, frankly, pretty insensitive.

It's also hilarious? I mean, the Grim Reaper is bowling with humans as pins. Okay, we've seen that metaphor before...

HOLY SHIT, DID YOU SEE THAT BABY SPIN IN THE AIR?

This Was Supposed to Be About Xevious

I'm admittedly on a bit of an Atari 7800 bender lately. You'll have to excuse me. I like the system and tend to ride it out wild hairs.

Xevious has actually been on my mind quite a bit over the past few months. I've been really enjoying Shadow Labyrinth (which reminds me... I need to get back to playing it), and since that game not only features Namco characters but actually takes place in the Xevious universe, it's gotten me thinking about it again.

While I've probably spent more time with the NES version than any other release, it's impossible to ignore the Atari 7800 port. It was one of the system's big launch titles, thanks once again to Atari's close relationship with Namco. Atari even published the arcade version here in the United States.

For years, I honestly assumed Namco had programmed the 7800 version themselves.

Much like last week's Ikari Warriors post, I decided to do a little digging.

Nope.

It was actually developed by General Computer Corporation—the same folks responsible for Ms. Pac-Man.

For some reason, I'd always assumed the 7800 version was adapted from a home computer release. Thinking about it, that's a feeling I get from a lot of Atari 7800 games. They're obviously console games, but they have this unmistakable home computer vibe to them.

I know that probably sounds a little ridiculous.

But consider Atari during the 1980s. They weren't just a console company—they were heavily invested in home computers. The Atari XEGS was essentially a repackaged computer, and the 5200 itself evolved from Atari's 8-bit computer architecture.

Really, a lot of the line between home computers and game consoles was blurrier than people remember.

The ColecoVision and Sega SG-1000 were close enough in hardware that software often jumped between them with relatively little effort. Some consoles even had optional computer expansion kits.

Honestly, I think that idea deserved a bigger push.

If manufacturers had done more to market consoles as an affordable stepping stone into home computing, I think a lot more working-class families would have adopted computers much earlier.

Of course...

That probably would've upset the same gatekeepers who spent the '90s telling everyone they were idiots for using AOL because it made getting online too easy.

Oh yeah, Xevious is pretty good.

Ikari on Atari

Lately, I've been exploring some old Atari 7800 games and having a genuinely great time doing it. I've said before here on Zone Base that I've always thought the 7800 got a bit of a bum deal. Under different circumstances, I really think it could've been a much bigger success.

Most people don't associate Ikari Warriors with Atari. Usually it's the arcade version or the NES port that comes to mind. However, ports were also produced for both the Atari 2600 and Atari 7800. I haven't had a chance to try the 2600 version yet, but I really like the 7800 release. I've even seen more than a few people say they prefer it over the NES port. Whether that's honest opinion or just a little system loyalty, I couldn't tell you... but I can say it's a pretty fun game.

I was lying in bed playing it on my Atari GameStation Go while listening to a livestream of old Japanese ghost shows when a question suddenly popped into my head.

Who actually made this game?

Was SNK involved at all?

After all, Atari had a pretty good relationship with Namco around this time, which is why so many Namco games ended up being published under Atari's Tengen label. That got me wondering how Ikari Warriors ended up on the 7800.

So I started digging.

Let me tell you... information on some of these oddball Atari 7800 releases isn't exactly easy to come by.

The game was developed by a company called Imagineering and published by Atari sometime around 1989 or 1990. The exact release date seems a little fuzzy, which isn't too surprising considering how publishing dates were handled back then. That time frame certainly sounds right, though, because I distinctly remember seeing advertisements for the 7800 version in gaming magazines around that time.

More specifically, I remember Atari really pushing the artwork they used in those ads. I honestly feel like I've seen that particular piece of Ikari Warriors artwork more than any other artwork associated with the original game.

Admittedly, I've always preferred Ikari Warriors II, so that's the game that's gotten most of my attention over the years.

Halfway 2 Halloween~ Why so Glum?

Ultimately, Halloween is all about candy to some folks. Which is a big part of the night I suppose. Our little cowboy here sadly lost his before finding a new friend who offers to share a full sized bounty. But wait a minute... that a ghost! It's hard to make fun of this commercial, literally a perfect taste of Halloween. Since we're halfway there, it's a little of that scary flavor we all savor. With it our Halfway 2 Halloween special event comes to a close. Thanks to everyone that read along for some spooky fun. With code orange alerts to be going off soon in the summer before the Zone Base Halloween goes into full scary swing in August... I don't know what I was going to say. Happy Halfway 2 Halloween!

originally posted on 5/12/2023

Halfway 2 Halloween~ Macbre Marathons

We're Halfway to Halloween as you're aware and with that comes a little spooky fun in the springtime. An easy way to do that is a scary movie night, simple to do with most streaming apps. Many of us have fond memories of the horror marathon on local TV during October. It was such a regular thing that characters are doing it in Halloween 1978 and Halloween 2 1981. Long before AMC was known for it's original programing, the channel just showed old movies. They have their annual Fear Fest to this day, but it's roots were more classic. Halloween night with the Universal Monsters? Heck yeah!

originally posted on 5/5/2023

Halfway 2 Halloween~Must be the Season of the Witch

Halfway to Halloween is a great time to watch some classic horror movies and old Halloween specials. Just a good way for some spooky fun in the spring. One of my favorites to watch at Halloween (or any time) is Halloween 3: Season of the Witch. While it's lack of Michael Myers was pretty divisive in the past, thankfully it's finally getting it's just due in modern times. Halloween 3 is a really fun movie that's basically a feature length Halloween special. Part of the fun of Halfway to Halloween is the traditional Halloween stuff. This movie seemed to play on an endless loop during the season when I was a kid. Commercials like these are almost as much of the holiday as whatever they'll flavor with pumpkin spice come autumn.

originally posted on 5/2/2024