Put a Smile On

Summer is a Spooky Season.

Star Wish

McDonald's, 1986

Spooky Summer~ A Friend in Big Red Shoes

Summer is a Spooky Season.

Spooky Summer~Don't order the Grimace Shake

This all started yesterday. I’m still in shock. Traumatized, even. Me and my friends went to McDonald’s. A little backstory, me and my friends just graduated college. It was hell. But we always loved McDonald’s. So we figured we should go. After all, we wanted to try the new Grimace Shake.

So we pull up to the first window, and grab our Grimace Meal. The meal itself, was fine. But the shake… After my friend, Kayla, tasted it. She was fine. We hung out for an hour. Kayla, and the rest of my friend group were staying the night at James’ place. I love James. He’s my best friend. I declined. I was way to damn tired to do anything.

I went home, and passed out. It was 1:00 AM, where it happened. 25 missed calls. 101 missed texts. “What the hell?!” I shouted. I looked at the voice messages James sent me. “Holy shit! David! Please help! He’s here! Oh shit! He’s coming!” It was followed by static, and screaming. “David! Grimace! He’s real. No! Leave me alone!” No more messages. Nothing. I contacted everyone else. They didn’t answer. I put on the news. “5 dead teens were found brutally murdered.” My heart sank. Grimace…did he really? Now, here we are. I’m still in shock. As I’m writing this, I feel Grimace watching me. Stalking me. He’s coming for me! Please! Send help! Help me! Grimace is a monster! He needs to be stopped! Whatever you do, don’t order the Grimace Shake!

source

Weekly Halloween: Loving IT

 

It's a good time, great taste,

for a 

Spooky Summer.

McDonald's can even kill a star

McCursed: Feeding On Filth

There was a time when McDonald's made an attempt to be a clean and pleasant place to eat. In doing so they employed the used of demonic creatures who ate the filth of the customers. Often McDonald's would implore customers to throw away their trash in the wastebaskets to keep the restaurant clean. Even producing another subliminal message filled advertisement encouraging you to do so. Unfortunately these trash demons were truly greedy abominations and began consuming everything deemed dirty. After the introduction of the McDonald Land Play Place ball pits containing copious amounts of fecal matter, children started disappearing. The blood deal that begat McDonald's upon the world wrought about the consumption of the very children the product was sold too. Never doubt why the smile Ronald put on was red.

McDamned

When there's no more room in hell, the dead will walk the Earth.

Dark Side Of Ronald's Ass

Even on the moon, the shake machine is down.

McBoo To You

In the glory days of McDonald's, Ronald rung in the holidays usually with some sort of great Happy Meal promotion. The most famous McD's Halloween promotion would the the various trick or treat pails that were practically an annual tradition. For a few years tacking their commercials onto the 'Scared Silly' spot was another tradition as you'll find various editions paired with that classic bit. 
 
While the obvious intention was to use these trick or treating, they usually became various storage containers. Crayons and other school supplies were a popular use. McGoblin was home to many a Battle Beast in his day in my bedroom. They had a lot of uses, except for actual trick or treating as they were pretty small. 

My cousin generally used them along with his sisters. I'll never forget the Halloween where he was VERY jealous of my Paas make up kit werewolf costume. Dude was a bed sheet ghost with some cold cream on his face. Not even Kooky Spooks and a robe as the official Halloween costume. His McBoo pail got hard spiked into somebodies yard during a temper tantrum after the third time tripping over that sheet.

Seen and not Hurt

Nothing say's it's Halloween like local businesses giving out treat bags and reflective safety strips/stickers. Of course they never give out bags with the safety reflective crap printed on them, you get one or the other. Something to carry around all those Tootsie Rolls you're going to throw away in or a magic sticker that somehow will keep crazy Mr. Harmon from running you over in his beat up La Baron. In the early 70's McDonald's gave out cuffs, not strips/stickers for this very purpose. Called the Safety Cuffs, Ronald let your parents know you'll be safe as long as your rocking these stupid looking things. Did you catch the little bit Ronald said at the end of the commercial? I've seen this commercial for years thanks to my ridiculous habit of watching old Halloween commercials all year and just recently realized he said 'children should be seen and not hurt'. It's even printed on the cuffs.

For the longest I thought he said 'seen and not heard', which just made no sense. I mean, if you can't see them trick or treating, I hope you can hear their screams before you commit vehicular manslaughter Mr. Harmon. Anyone else find it fishy so many adults are just driving around carelessly on the one night they know children will be out and in the streets. Oh sure, tonight's the night the headlights just don't work, right. It's cause of this bullshit that Dracula had to wear that crap.

Probably shouldn't trust Ronald entirely too much either.

Ronald's the scariest thing in this Haunted House

Honestly, I don't think I've ever just walked into a haunted house. Every one of these type commercials, the gang just happens to walk inside a haunted house. Though admittedly, Ronald seems to lead the way this time. You know, the ghosts are really the victims here. What in the hell was Ronald even doing? Just outright barging in and looking around... wait... they were going to rob the place weren't they? DAMMIT RONALD, STOP STEALING FROM GHOSTS!

Ronald McDonalds Ice Skates for Christmas

McDonald's Star Wish Christmas