The Evil Horde Is Even More Evil In Germany

Hey Rob, it's been a while since you've said anything about the walking Halloween decorations that He-Man has to fight. You know what reader? You're right! Let's clear that up with this particularly spooky German commercial for new Evil Horde figures. When I say haunted house, I mean it. He-Man is walking in the some creepy woods and the new members jump out and scare him. Haunted House ass stuff right here.

Dragstor, who's basically a walking car engine with a tire in his chest pulls up. Multi-Bot, the robot companion to Modulok, swaps heads. But the award for most effective jump scare goes to the Horde Trooper. Horde Troopers are Hordak's robot foot soldiers and probably the most common source of disposable cannon fodder. The toy's gimmick was exploding to simulate the many deaths of Horde Troopers in battle.

Ever been in a haunted house? It's usually decorated somewhat scarily and various workers jump out to scare you in costume. The bigger the budget, the better the costumes and decorations, so it's not just the cashier from Subway with a white face and some fake blood. A big budget one transports you to this imagined world and that's really a scary monster jumping out and scaring you. Unfortunately they all say stupid lines regardless of the budget. This commercial is a big budget haunted house, in Dragstor you've got the guy who slides up and scares folks in the parking lot. In Multi-Bot you've got a variation of the headless freak. But in The Horde Trooper, you've got the walking pile of gore.

The funny thing is, Horde Trooper variations isn't the only type of foot soldier employed by The Evil Horde. There's wraiths, giant insects, and skeletons riding scary horses. Hordak's headquarters is a haunted cave. His entire army is a bunch of monsters and demons. That's in addition to Skeletor's gang and I've not even touched upon the Snake Men yet. There's got to be a support group on Eternia for citizens who have jump scare induced health issues. The entire planet is one giant Walgreen's Halloween section with He-Man and The Heroic Warriors usually wearing brown pants. You know, if it happens, maybe it'll blend in.

The Scary Ass Fright Zone

Earlier today I was playing with my new Master of the Universe Mega Construx figures and found myself thinking about what old stuff I'd like to see in the line. Which lead me straight to thinking about the awesome Fright Zone. The most somebody glued together some Halloween decorations He-Man bag guy spooky shit ever. It's every haunted cave you've ever seen and sold to small children. He-Man and his crew was the target of a lot of the Satanic Panic of the 80's and they kinda had a point.

Regardless, it was a cool play set with all sorts of scary stuff included. You had the before spoken haunted cave with a gnarly prison. A scary ass tree that would grab you without consent. But the most horrifying and diabolical feature... the puppet monster that'd eat the shit out of you. Thirty something years later and it just now occurs to me that the prison is a red herring. Yeah He-Man, just try to rescue Buzz-Off as seen in the above picture. Boom, monster eats your whole ass.

I don't know if you took notice in the commercial way at the beginning in my typical way of using old commercials to set the scene for a post, but the monster did not ever actually say The Fright Zone. Neither did the tree or Hordak even. It was just some guy yelling off screen. I cannot just explain how much a classmate of mine didn't believe me when I told him the monster doesn't actually say 'THE FRIGHT ZONE'. In hindsight, maybe his did.

Cinderella's Castle Mystery Tour

It's hard for me to think Halloween without thinking of Disney's Halloween Treat, the classic Halloween Special (and it's man versions) that's a definite must watch each Halloween season. Though it's long gone, there was a Disney attraction that was seemingly right out of that very special. Cinderella's Castle Mystery Tour was a haunted cave type attraction located within Cinderella's Castle at Tokyo Disneyland that focused on the more scary villains spooking the poop out of guests. Most notable is the large animatronic Horned King from The Black Cauldron. While I always wished my older brother would have went went us on our family trip to Disney World, this would have been a real treat to go with him on. During the olden days of The Disney Channel (when it was AWESOME) they'd regularly show The Black Cauldron and I don't think he ever missed it.