I Was A Third Grade Werewolf

I have an admission of guilt. Even though I am pure in heart and say my prayers by night, I became a wolf when the wolfbane bloomed and the autumn moon was bright. Yes, I was once a werewolf. When the moon was full I changed into a monster and prowled the neighborhood for a victim. My blood lust could not be stopped, I'd kill and kill and kill. Nobody was safe, for you see I was a werewolf.

For exactly one night.

In the third grade.

I've mentioned Crestwood House Monsters here before, so what if I told you the stars aligned just right and I got the Wolfman book from the library the same day I first saw Teenwolf? Because that's exactly what happened. 

I was prepared to read my book that Friday night when a new movie came on HBO. A cinematic masterpiece, Teen Wolf.

It was then that I was bitten, by the idea to be a werewolf for Halloween. I'll wait for you to catch your breath. So there I had the perfect costume in mind but now with a conundrum. How was I going to pull that off? The simple answer would be with a mask and some of those hairy gloves.

The complicated part would be I was in the third grade and what you might call a child.

What I'm saying is, I was still a little scared of rubber masks. I was petrified of them prior, despite loving all sorts of monster toys and movies, having a real one in your face is a different story.

Though after years of my brother reusing his Gamorrean Guard mask, I had matured from pissing myself in abject terror to slight discomfort. However, I still didn't want to wear one. 

Ben Cooper mask, sure. Rubber mask, nope. So how do I become a werewolf? All of my costumes up to this point were smock and mask or make up kit based.

I've mentioned how much I love make up kits before, but I don't think you quite understand. I freaking adore them. 

I love looking at the packaging and at the examples. The variety of kits from cheap to expensive, I just can't get enough of them on the aisle. 

I mentioned it was the weekend right? So of course a trip to the store was in order and wouldn't you know it, the old faithful PAAS make up kit display was standing proudly. 

All the kits were there. Dracula, ghost, camouflage... stupid ass clown... glam rock... left over Easter Egg kit... wait...

wait...

A WEREWOLF!

Needless to say, I had my costume in check. Come Halloween night I was dressed as a werewolf should. Blue jeans, black fruit of the loom sweat shirt, and the mind blowing transformation that only a PAAS make up kit could produce! The kit came with several tubes of make up and instructions on how to properly apply. Also included were plastic fangs and on the back of the box were cut out ears and moon medallion (yarn not included).

I don't mean to brag, but I looked badass. My cousin arrived in yet another bullshit bed sheet ghost costume with some of his moms cold cream on his face to make it white. At least he smelt nice. I got so much freaking candy and even scared a few old ladies. Except the ones who never know what you're supposed to be. EVERYBODY ISN'T DRACULA MRS. EDNA. Same assholes that gives out those stale peanut butter chews. Same ones. Same bag from last year.

That Halloween rocked, maybe even more when my cousin threw one of his trademark tantrums and yard spiked his MCBoo Pail into the ground after tripping on his sheet for the millionth time. We got back to my place for pizza and a viewing of Teen Wolf. The perfect bookend to my werewolf saga.

PAAS Halloween kits were the bomb

I have a legitimate love for Halloween make up kits. I love looking through the tacky sets on store shelves and checking out what's new this year and whats's been repeated. What's cheap and what's expensive (they're usually pretty cheap, but occasionally there's that giant one for $20). The love came from my annual ogling of the PAAS (the folks who make Easter Egg dye kits) display at the local grocery store or pharmacy every year during my childhood. I loved these kits and was always blown away at how amazing the pictures on the boxes made the finished product look (your results may vary). Usually the back of the box (it was literally the same packaging as the Easter Egg kits) would have cut out accessories to accentuate your costume.

In 1986, thanks to my reading of Crestwood House Monsters books in the library and regular showings of Teen Wolf on HBO, I was destined to be a werewolf that year for Halloween. I spent the entire season researching werewolf's and getting my werewolf down. Even told kids in my class I was actually a werewolf and Halloween was the next time I'd change. I had my costume down, a black sweat shirt (I've spent my entire lifetime wearing those fruit of the loom shirts)..ok, jeans and my Nikes (I did say Teen Wolf) and... and...

boom goes the dynamite 

Thanks to PAAS, I was the best werewolf ever. The back of the box had cut out wolf ears and a full moon medallion (I had to source some string). Halloween was on a Friday that year, and it was pretty great. We ordered pizza, my cousins came over, and we hit my neighborhood with our pumpkin pails ready for action. After we got home, we watched Teen Wolf and I don't mind bragging that my werewolf costume was so much better than my cousins crappy bed sheet ghost with cheap white face paint. I even got some extra Double Bubble for my efforts, and not because the old lady across the street was giving more to neighborhood kids she recognized... ok, that was probably it. The next day my Mom took us to the mall and I got a Rio Blast Master of the Universe figure. Would it have been such a great Halloween without my PAAS make up kit?

No, because PAAS Halloween Make Up kits were magical.