DDT Stands For The End

Masters of the WWE Universe is a weird toy line. I know I've talked about them before here, but it's one of those concepts I can't help but to describe each time. Are they wrestling figures or He-Man toys? 

Both. They're both. 

These are literally MOTU Origins toys with wrestlers as characters in an alternate timeline. I'd been really wanting to get a hold of the new Jake the Snake Roberts figure since learning about him. Jake is one of my favorite wrestlers of all time and I was instantly sold on him being in the MOTU ranks. Thankfully, the wife got me one for Christmas. Or as she said, she got me a weird old man toy.

Playing into his scary guy who carries around a snake gimmick, Jake is WWEternia's answer to King Hiss. In human form, Jake pretty much looks how you'd expect. With MOTU style armor decorated like his tights carrying his trademark snake. I'd like to think it's Lucifer, not Damien.

But remember, you can't trust a snake! By removing his armor and mask a reptilian freak is exposed! A reptilian freak with a mullet! I've mentioned a million times about how Masters of the Universe is a bunch of Halloween decorations. This is literally a toy of a person who removes his disguise to reveal a demonic true form. It's January, doesn't matter, trick or treat mother fuckers.

If you haven't gotten you hands on a MOTU Origins figure yet, let me explain one to you. Imagine all the charm of an original He-Man figure with modern day articulation. They're literally using Origins molds to make these with oddball WWE parts and whatever other stuff they have laying around. 

Jake might have the most original molding with his face mask and reptilian head. I'm sure the snake is from other figures. The armor is the same that came with Macho Man, but sans the additional chest plates for battle damage. I kind of wish he came with a weapon. The snake works, but a knife would have been perfect.

Jake is an obvious choice for a Snake Man on WWEternia. I really like the playing up of 'one with the darkness' into his overall presentation. Jake always seemed like that guy in a random episode of Tales from the Darkside. The shady dude in a silk shirt, cowboy boots, and was involved with a voodoo priest. Later who turns into a snake to kill the guy who wronged the voodoo priest. Or I guess that guy from the old PSA. Come to think about it, I always saw that during Tales from the Darkside. Dang.

King Hiss Will Punch You With A Snake Bite

I've made several jokes about He-Man fighting living Halloween decorations and Eternia being a constant freak show. Here's King Hiss. King Hiss is the leader of the Snakemen and pure nightmare fuel. One moment he's standing before you, a dude in weird armor. The next... A GIANT PILE OF FUCKING SNAKES... WITH LEGS.

King Hiss and the Snakemen came around later in the line. Clearly intended to take Hordak's place as the new badass other faction for He-Man to deal with. He wasn't featured on the cartoon until the 2002 series, but got a healthy amount of coverage in the mini comics and other media. Mattel was clearly putting their eggs in the Snakemen basket. I guess none of them were from farms.

As a toy, King Hiss was similar to a Transformers Pretender in that he had a removable outer shell. It encased the upper body of the figure with the arms snapping on separately. When it was time to kick the battle into full gear, King Hiss could transform into his true reptilian form by taking off said shell parts to expose his weird body of giant snakes... with legs. In human form he carried a snake staff (which most Snakemen had) and a shield. In snake mode he could hypnotize his foes and attack him with a GIANT BODY OF SNAKES... WITH LEGS. Know what's worse than getting punched? A snake bite. Think about getting punched by a snake bite. Damn. Why does he have snake heads for fists? Because fuck you, that's why.

King Hiss is from a race of space snake people who came to conquer Eternia. Because Masters of the Universe. He-Ro and Eldor defeated him and then trapped him in a limbo like dimension. Around a thousand years later, Skeletor freed him and the two teamed up to defeat He-Man. Of course once this was done, the alliance would be over and then one would kill the other. This is all assumption because He-Man just kicked their asses as usual. In the 2002 cartoon he's not to dissimilar, just falls under that shows general vibe. However he does take over as the main villain, which is what Mattel was clearly aiming for in the 80's. When the line was shifting to the 'Powers of Grayskull' spin-off/hail mary, it was taking place on prehistoric Eternia where King Hiss was the central villain. I guess it does make sense that the guy who lives in Snake Mountain be a GIANT PILE OF FUCKING SNAKES... WITH LEGS.